An Illumination of Conscience

In 2015, from March 18-22 in a hospital stay from a heart incident and procedure I was mercifully granted an illumination of conscious from Jesus.

I was 50 years old and struggling with the death of my marriage.

Every day a battle wages in my own heart. As early as I can remember I desired holiness and practiced my catholic faith which I loved.

Standing against my desire for holiness is the desires of the flesh, the world and the devil.

This battle is recognized by all those who desire holiness.

This all came to a head on March 18, 2015 when I admitted myself to a local hospital thankfully realizing I was in distress and needed help in more ways then one; and first and foremost desired our Lord Jesus help. Jesus never ever let go of me, I was experiencing what is now called the dark night of the soul.

In a stretch of time that encompassed 5 years I was going deeper in my faith, which I always loved and practiced, bathing myself in the sacrament of reconciliation regularly and on a daily basis at times and attending mass and receiving holy communion often but not as of then daily.

It was a self gratifying love that had a firm hold of me. I was staring into the gates of hell and I was physically and spiritually dying.

Hell was revealed to me as a dark, quiet, cold place of isolation where self gratification never ended yet was never satisfied. There were others around me but everything was mostly quiet and no one looked at anyone else even though I tried to look pretending not to.

I was placed in the procedure room at the hospital which was white, sanitary looking in every way and cold, just like hell to me, and a stent was inserted into a main artery in my heart through a vein in my wrist.

I suffered a mild heart attack during the procedure and blacked out, lost feeling in my right foot and experienced intense pressure upon my chest. Because of this my other wrist had to be pierced so a tube could be inserted once again into my heart to clear and fix all this and thankfully by the grace of our Lord Jesus it was.

I experienced the stigmata in miniature which was an incredible and merciful blessing the Lord Jesus extended upon me to make me one with him.

The night before this procedure a catholic priest friend came to me so I could go to confession and receive holy communion and anointing of the sick; truly great blessings for me.

During this hospital stay which was a couple weeks before Holy Week in Lent I was surrounded by our Blessed Mother, St Joseph, St Patrick, my father, my brother and an uncle all had passed on by this time. There was warmth and love and light from all of them.

I march on to this day striving to glorify God in business and life while helping others along the way and the battle in my heart for our Lord Jesus or myself wages on.

I wanted to share my story to help one soul! I encourage you to go to the resources page of this website to find help if you need help or know another who may.

God bless you and keep on walking for God and by faith even when you cannot see!