CHAPTER 4 – Guilt – Psalm 118:8
If you are divorced or in process of divorce you most likely feel some guilt, especially if you have children. “Why did this happen”?, “What could I have done differently”?, “Is this my fault”?.
We all feel guilt from time to time. Be honest and open with your children, ask them to be honest and open with you. It is OK for you to get angry and it is OK for your children to get angry. Open and honest communication is a must to overcome guilt. Don’t let anything stew! Don’t let your mind work on you negatively. Find an accountability partner, a trusted friend, who shares your faith in God, and if and when you are feeling depressed and or guilty talk to them about it. Don’t just spend money on your children to overcome guilt. Give your time to your children. Quantity and quality time are important. It does not matter what you do with your children, just be with them. There is comfort for them and you just by being in same room with them. Play a game, read a book, share a story, watch a movie or TV. Eat a meal together. Take a walk or a ride together.
If you unable to be with your kids every day because of divorce or separation, then call, text or email them; ask them what they are doing, share a favorite scripture quote or family line you say together. Tell them you love them. Be genuine, but you have to be creative! Send a selfie picture to them or a picture of the two of you. Reach out to your children every day even to text goodnight. If you miss a day reaching out to them, just do it the next day.
If your children play sports or other activities go to see them as much as possible. Pick them up and take them or drop them off at home afterward. You are not just doing this for him or her, you are doing it for you, Because you want to!
Change your way of thinking and behavior, stop saying sorry. Provide lots of hugs, kisses, fist bumps and just genuinely care. One of my favorite things to do is bless all my children by signing their forehead before I leave them, and we say a Hail Mary together. They have come to expect it, and never complain or ask me to stop. I think they like when I do that.
We also pray and say grace before every meal, even in public. We hold hands, stop and pray.
If you feel guilty often, it will take time to overcome. Try these steps and remember it takes time to change thoughts and behavior. It will even feel uncomfortable at first but keep persevering. Stay positive! It takes about 3 weeks for something new to become habit. We create good habits as well as bad habits, so persevere in creating good habits and work hard to eliminate bad habits, thoughts and actions.
As Psalm 118:8 tells us, “it’s better to put my trust in God, than mere mortals”. Turn your guilt over to God, and trust Him to take care of it.
Charles DeFeo: Catholic Blogger and Useless Servant of Christ 