Chapter 8 – Divorced or Separated – Acts 7:60
Lonely! Me too. You may be surrounded by many family members and friends who care about you but you still feel lonely. Why isn’t our relationship with Jesus enough to fill our emptiness? It should be, right? I still ask myself that question. I also feel guilty for it not being enough.
Jesus, help me! Jesus, I love you! Jesus, thank you! Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief!
Regardless of how you feel, never stop loving your family members and friends who love you and care about you.
Find a spiritual advisor. Never stop growing deeper in your faith, and be honest with yourself. If you desire to have a partner of the opposite sex to have a “romantic” relationship with, maybe God has other plans for you. Talk to God about it, even if you are mad at Him about this.
I am not a proponent for online dating services, but I would recommend, if you are going to try that, and I have, to find the most reputable ones and faith-based as well.
Do not beat yourself up too much, reviewing why your marriage failed. I have done this and continue to as well. At first, I blamed my wife, 100 percent. I was a bit blindsided, even though I was aware we had problems in our relationship. She wanted to end the marriage, and I did not. It was all her fault. I tried to offer for us to go to counseling, especially marriage encounters and religious workshops that would help and heal our broken relationship. She was not interested in that, but never offered and alternative. I was angry at her and God, and myself as well, but did not even know why I was angry at myself.
As time and years went by, I started to reflect on our failed marriage, and started to blame myself mostly. How could I let this happen, what did I do to harm our marriage. That is bad and also prideful, which is really bad. Stop!
We have to go to Jesus, even if we are not feeling it. We also have to go to a man of the cloth, a priest who is trained in spiritual guidance. If you need psychological help and medication because you seriously have a condition like depression or Bi polar, then by all means, please get treated for it and take medication, but I also strongly recommend meeting with a spiritual advisor who is trained in spiritual advising. It’s ok to talk and share your psychological conditions and problems with your spiritual advisor also, but the main focus is to grow in your Catholic Faith!
I strongly recommend anyone who is divorced or in process of divorce to meet with a spiritual advisor and also learn about the Annulment process.
Never stop living and never stop moving forward in your business or professional life as well as your personal life and understand that moving forward is not the same thing as moving on. Moving on is much more difficult, but never let your feelings get in the way of doing your job to the best of your ability. Never let your feelings allow you to isolate old friends who care about you and making new friends along the way, and never ever let your feelings stop you from loving your children or spending quality and quantity time with them. Also, never bash your spouse to your children or anyone for that matter. You can bash your spouse privately, in your room, with no one else around to Jesus, because whether you are right or wrong, He will make you see the light anyway.
Focus on friendship! Even if you meet someone or like someone of opposite sex and are attracted to them, when you are with them, focus on friendship, and don’t look for or expect anything more than that.
If you are separated but not yet divorced, first and foremost, always be open to reconciliation with your spouse. Never close the door on that, and remain faithful to your marriage vows. Matrimony is a Sacrament. God hates divorce. This is a another reason why you need a spiritual advisor. Make sure you take the spiritual advisor advice because it’s God advice, whether you like it or not, agree with it or not.
Lastly, even though you are divorced or separated, you are not dead, keep living, loving and laughing, build relationships and serve others. Find out what you can do in your parish, volunteer. Find things you like or what you have interest in and go do it.
In acts 7:60, St. Stephen, our first martyr, as he was dying, shouted, Lord, do not hold this sin against them.
Please don’t hold a grudge against your spouse, it only hurts you and hold’s you back from growing. No matter how difficult, pray for your ex-spouse. Pray especially for their conversion in heart and for it to turn to God and seek his ways, because everything else will be added.
Pray for conversion in your heart every day as well. We have to wake up every morning and consecrate our hearts, minds and souls to serve God every day. A good thing to do is the 33 days to morning glory program. Total consecration to the sacred heart of Jesus, through the Immaculate heart of Mary.