“Blessed be the Lord, my rock, who trains my hands for battle, my fingers for war.” – Psalm 144:1
“How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is preferable to silver.” – Proverbs 16:16
“I discipline the one I love. Discipline is instruction intended to train; it’s a course of action leading to a greater goal than immediate satisfaction. In fact effective discipline can be unpleasant–even painful. So it’s easy for you to feel unloved when I am leading you along a way that is difficult or confusing. In such a situation you have an important choice: to cling to ME in trusting dependence or to back away from ME and seek to go your own way…” – (Jesus Always by Sarah Young)
May our Blessed Mother Mary pray for us men without ceasing!
As I read the quote above I heard a whisper saying I guess it takes a woman to train a man and St. Joan of Arc also comes to mind in that but even more so we need men who are willing to stand in the breach accompany other men and I am thankful, grateful and joyful that the Lord continues to send authentic Catholic men to me like arrows in my quiver in my defense against the evil one.
I was blessed with these types of authentic men training me starting with my own dear father, Robert DeFeo, who I dedicated this website to, my older brother and only sibling, Kenny DeFeo, who I dedicated a page on this website too and my uncle and godfather, Alex DeFeo, who was the inspiration behind my writing a book and poems.
That’s how important these three men of faith who have all been called home to rest with God are to me. They exemplified the love of God, my Heavenly Father, and my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to me in the concrete.
My Lord continues to send great men of faith into my life to direct and train my hands for battle and he has also called some of them home with him.
Men need other men! Authentic men of God. Seek them out and train with them on a daily basis.
Why do we need to do so?
Look around – at the signs of the times.
What is most important in your life and why?
MISSION STATEMENT-SPIRITUAL EXERCISES-PRACTICE OF OUR FAITH
Have you written a mission statement for your life? If not do it now and say it and pray it daily and LIVE IT! I wrote my mission statement about 20 years ago – To glorify God in business and life while helping others along the way.
As soon as you wake up glorify God and give God his due from the rising of the sun until its setting. At night perform an EXAMEN of conscience reviewing the day and giving thanks for it and recognizing and connecting the dots of how God entered your life over the course of the day as well as your entire life. Do this daily.
Attend Confession frequently (it’s a great act of humility and provides grace), even weekly and certainly never let a month go by without doing so as you receive grace from God. Don’t wait until you think you have committed mortal sin. Same goes for reception of Holy Communion in the mass – go to it daily if possible and never miss a Sunday or Holy Day and strive to go at least one other day per week. Thanks Pop. It was my own father who God used to exemplify the practice of both of these Sacraments. He would take me to Confession and always lead by example going himself and then take me out for a bite to eat and we would talk about everything and now I in turn do this with my own children. My father also loved the Eucharist and the Mass and I thank God for his life.
Read the Bible and Cathechism of the Catholic Church daily and other spiritual readings prayerfully (I like Magnificat, Living Faith, Stewardship of Prayer: My Daily Catholic Prayers and the Direction for Our Times Allegiance Prayer). Thanks brother. It was my own brother who God used to exemplify this. Thanks Uncle. It was my own uncle who I mentioned above who wrote inspirational, wise and faith filled poetry and always around to inspire us with his words of wisdom.
Eucharistic Adoration daily and a weekly holy hour is paramount to your call as man of God. Praying the Rosary, Chaplet of Divine Mercy and The Divine Office daily is necessary for proper spiritual growth. (The Divine Office or Liturgy of Hours consists of About Today, Invitatory Psalm, Office of Readings, Morning Prayer, Midmorning Prayer, Midday Prayer, Midafternoon Prayer, Evening Prayer, Night Prayer. Strive to at a minimum pray morning and evening prayer but Office of readings and all the prayers will help in your spiritual growth).
I strongly recommend and encourage you to find a trusted spiritual confessor who is a priest to meet with regularly who will help in your spiritual growth. By going to Confession on weekly basis you can attain this. I am so blessed to know and call friend good men who are priests and be sure to pray for them and all priests on a daily basis as well as souls in purgatory and all marriages, all families and all lives!
Listen to CD’s and DVD’s and read constantly of those theologians and trusted Catholic speakers and evangelists but even more importantly find a band of “brothers in Christ” to meet with weekly and read and reflect on the Gospels, all of Scriptures and the virtues together. You can’t go it alone so don’t and pray for the desire and the humility to do so. It was said of St. Dominic who lived 800 years ago that whenever he spoke he was speaking to God or about God. Strive for this. Let no idle talk nor gossip come from your lips and I often have to remind myself of this. (St. Dominic de Guzman who I mention above founded the Order Of Preachers a little over 800 years ago and I am blessed to be a member of the lay fraternities of St. Dominic).
ON MARRIAGE AND FATHERHOOD OR FOR THE SINGLE MAN AND DATING
Scripture begins in Genesis with a wedding – Adam and Eve – and ends in Revelation with the Wedding feast of the Lamb. This tells us everything as to what the Sacrament of Marriage means to our Lord – EVERYTHING. Men, be faithful to your wives to the point of sacrifice and even suffering! Do not commit adultery in any way – physically, mentally or emotionally. Lay down your life for your spouse and children as Christ did for us. Stop being selfish and needy. If you need your spouse you are headed in the wrong direction. Do not view pornography, not even a woman wearing a bathing suit. Do not let your mind wander into these things but be transformed by the renewal of your mind.
All the above applies to single men as well.
Objectifying a woman including your spouse is a grave sin.
Sex is for marriage and marriage is between one man and one woman. It makes no difference if you are 16 or 96 or anywhere in between nor whether you are widowed, single or attracted to those of the same sex; I repeat sex is for marriage and marriage is between one man and one woman – anything else is grave sin and that includes sex with yourself which is grave sin. See above and run to confession and stop this sinning. It will take time and many confessions so don’t despair. EVER! God’s grace will work in you and on you.
Discipline, habits, order is needed in your life or you will stumble. Humility is needed or you will stumble. You can do nothing apart from the vine – Christ – it’s God grace in you and cooperating with God’s grace that provides the self control and act of will needed.
The Church is here to help us in all of this.
Obedience to the will of God and properly discerning the will of God by spending time with God alone and walking with others striving for the same and consulting a trusted spiritual director are necessary here and let me add if you do these things it will provide great joy and peace not sadness nor somberness and your spirit will be uplifted not brought low. Please believe me and trust me on this and DO NOT BE AFRAID!
Do not even think about dating a woman who is married and know this – a sacramental marriage is indissoluble which comes from Christ himself! Tell a woman who is married you will be glad to keep company with her after she is provided a Nullity of Marriage. You and she are living in sin without doing this.
If you are partaking in any form of sexual relationship outside the covenantal marriage relationship of one man and one woman you are living a gravely sinful life.
Fathers, be kind and gentle but firm with your children. Do not allow them to be swallowed up by this sinful world. You must stand in the breach between the culture and your children by spending both quality and quantity time with each child. This goes for grandfathers, uncles and godfathers. You must pray without ceasing for your spouse and children and simply be present to them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Also pray together often with spouse and children and practice your faith together as much as possible.
Instruct, train, study and teach yourself and your children and do not be afraid to do so. As I mentioned above ask God to increase your desire to do all this and know conversion is ongoing and never stops as long as we are alive!
All I write above applies to the single man as well.
Pray to our Lord to make you to mold you and help you become the man He created you to be at all times – in public and in private.
If you stumble immediately go to confession and do not feel sorry for yourself, get back on the right road, the orthodox road, the narrow road. We are training continually not trying. We are striving for holiness and purity in thought, word, deed, action not just trying to be good. “Be ye perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” – Matthew 5:48.
Train your mind. It’s the only way to put evil out of it. Say over and over again – Here I am Lord I come to do your will – Hebrews 10:9.
Be very careful with and limit your consumption of alcohol and never use drugs, including marijuana nor smoke anything.
We were not made to be entertained nor to entertain ourselves and worldly happiness is fleeting, although in itself worldly happiness is not bad as God made the world for us to enjoy and share in God’s life but always keep in mind the ultimate goal which is not Harvard but Heaven and be clear and truthful as to what heaven is and what the Church teaches about attaining heaven and as quoted at the outset of this article memorize and recite Psalm 144:1 daily, which explains how we attain heaven. Jesus never promised us anything in this world but the proper way to attain joy and peace in this world and the next as our Lord instructed us is “he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” Luke 9:23.
Do you pray?
Do you fast?
Do you deny yourself?
If you do none of the above then get busy and if you do the above pray to stay on this path and remember you can’t go it alone. Lead in your weakness. Find your band of brothers in Christ and lean on them as well as your Blessed Mother which every man needs and your brothers and sisters gone before you marked with the sign of faith cheering you on starting with St. Joseph, husband, father, worker.
It took me 50 and a half years to truly get everything I write above and I am still a work in progress and will never ever stop learning and growing in faith and my men (and sisters in faith) bring me great joy and it’s an honor and privilege to accompany them in their walk as they accompany me in mine. We laugh often and experience great joy doing so, it is not somber, although sometimes sobering and know this – no matter where you are today in your faith never lose hope and always love. God is right next to you now and never leaves your side, simply turn to him and he will do the rest.
Give me wisdom and understanding Lord!
ESTO VIR! BE A MAN! BE THE MAN GOD CREATED YOU TO BE!!!!